Originally Posted 6/4/17
Week 20..... victim... Survivor...WARRIOR!!!!!
This week... no matter what you are facing... please... Choose to Live!
Dawn Kiss published a note.
July 12, 2010
Please join me in healing the past....
"Even if no one else ever loves you ... your Grandmother and I do". Those words dug deep into the heart and never left.
Even kind spoken words can turn into a death sentence, for what that 7 year old girl heard was she was 'unlovable'. That is not what that mother meant. The words were spoken out of desperation for a mother facing death and wanting her daughter to know how deeply she was loved. I am that daughter. Only last week did I realize how deep that wound went and how much damage it had caused in my life. My mother meant no harm. Yet her words pierced my heart.
It is not enough to survive the abuse. We must truly heal from the abuse... all abuse. It is my intention this week to share with you the stages of life I have gone through. Where at one point I had been the Victim of so much abuse I finally opened my eyes and committed myself to 'Living'. This was my first step towards becoming a Survivor. Once there I committed myself to 'seeing' the abuse come toward me before it had a chance to touch me. My goal was not to be touched by any form of abuse ever again. I still consciously live in a state of awareness. Then I walked forward into the life I have today. At this point I am a Warrior. But this week past showed me that even Warriors carry scars with them over the years. We never stop healing.
It is not enough to simply walk away from any form of abuse. I removed myself from the actual domestic violence that I had lived in, yet I took the wounds with me. Yes it takes a great deal of courage to walk away from the abuse, from the abuser and from a way of life that too many of us get used to. It takes even more courage to look deep inside and see the wounds that have been left behind. More courage still to heal those wounds one by one. The very first step to truly putting those wounds behind us is self-respect and self-love. There is a long road that follows those first initial steps, but the first steps are the most vital.
No matter how pretty we are on the outside or how beautiful our souls are on the inside, in order to bring our Body, Mind and Spirit into balance we must heal our old wounds. The body will heal the fastest. The spirit, or soul, will take longer to heal but it will heal given time, patience and love. It is the mind that is most difficult to heal. Our minds... our egos have a life of their own. They hold onto the 'hurt'. They rationalize why we 'need' to stay victims. They hang onto what is familiar. Yet it is this very way of living that keeps us as a prisoner of our own doings. How long it had been after leaving a violent husband did I finally give myself permission to start living again. Not just going through the motions but truly living from the heart. Entirely too long!
I know no other way....
Old wounds...ugly wounds how tightly I hang onto you
for if I were to let go my grasp, I'd know not what to do.
You have become a part of me
a part that all the world can see.
Who am I if not my past? Surely I'd be destroyed at last.
Yet if I give up this life, what kind of future would I cast?
How can one simply walk away
and live to talk about it another day?
How can they ignore who they are,
entering a safe life where they might stay?
A prisoner I've been for so very long
now is the time to move forward and be strong.
I've seen the change through out the years
I'm tired God, please heal these wounds
for I'm empty... there are no more tears.
So now I look upon my life
and see someone new within my eyes.
I see a woman so full of life... so sure...
so ready to fully come alive.
Why did I wait all those years?
I've lost so much because of fear.
Yet nothing was lost for lessons were gained
and now my sight is crystal clear.
No one will walk upon this soul again.
For today... this moment I declare the end.
Abuse has no place within my life
I denounce it now along with all of its strife!
created by Dawn Ellen Kiss
copyright July 2010
I offer you my hand one more time this week. Please find your strength... please find your purpose and step from Victim to Survivor with me. I have been a survivor for 28 years this month. I will willingly take that first step again with you this day in honor of the courage it takes to get past the fear, the pain, the dehumanization that comes with such abuse. Pull from my strength, from my love and allow us to heal together. 48 years is too long to hold onto any wound. As of this moment I stand with you and I "choose to Live". Commit your Living to yourself... for you are a precious soul and I believe in you.